02:00 IM conversation

b1: special K
K: here
b1: woke up wide awake from a dead sleep.
what's the news?
K: is that typical?
b1: no.
K: let's see
everything OK?
b1: i *think* the roads outside are icy and cars are spinning out on
start-up at the light nearby ...
and i *might* have picked that up.
K: oh wow
1960 WS Game 7 is probably the greatest baseball game ever played
and this broadcast, with the players 50 years later, is incredible
b1: is it over?
K: just finished watching minutes ago
b1:tell me more.
(humidity is 96%)
K: Pirates vs Yanks
P got off to 4-0 lead
Yanks pulled ahead 5-4 in 6th
then 7-4
after 8, Pirates led 9-7
b1: and bing has this because he went on vacation to europe and had it
filmed for him.
K: right. too superstitious to watch.
Pirates inning stayed alive when a sure double play hit SS in the
b1: jesus.
K: in top 9th, Mantle makes a stupid play that works out. 9-9.
bot 9. leadoff hitter Mazeroski homers. series.
aggregate score: Yanks 55 Pirates 27
yet Pirates win 4 games to 3
first and only walkoff game 7 win in baseball history
first and only postseason game with 0 strikeouts
b1: i don't know what "walkoff" means
K: walkoff is a play that ends a game (bot 9th or
because after you do it, everybody walks off the field
b1: good one.
K: coined by Dennis Eckersley.
great A's relief pitcher
b1: i think i know him.
K: good dude
b1: mustache guy, right?
K: yes.
K: so we have
walkoff homer
walkoff double
walkoff walk
et al
b1:and only 1 team can make a walkoff play.
K: home team only
there's a great new term in football, btw
b1: do tell.
(you're all fired up.)
K: "interception returned for a touchdown" = "pick six"
pick from pickoff
which has meant interception for a long time
I like it. Useful.
--------------------------------- 2:01
b1: a riff on the lottery.
K: I'm sorry your sleep has been disrupted.
omg. I didn't even think of that.
b1: that's why you talk to me ...
i help tie you to actual reality.
K: right!
b1: you can take this basketball ...
and shoot it through a hoop ...
it's actual reality.
K: I remember that.
b1: it's 1 of *the* very first true conversations we ever had.
we didn't really "know" each other until we sat across the hall at
you *told* me about it in excited terms...
and it was kind of a bonding moment for us.
K: : when was that?
b1: 1993 or 4.
K: I'm glad you remember that for both of us. My memory...well, you
b1: why do you think you don't remember?
why do you think i do?
K: I dunno. my memories fade fast. I've already forgotten many details
of the WS.
(Now I'm watching The Hotel New Hampshire. John Irving is a sick fuck.)
b1: i'm not familiar with it.
have you ever seen 50 dates?
or whatever it's called ...
the drew barrymore film.
K: I don't think so
John Irving stories are filled with beatings, maimings, blood, and
tragic deaths.
b1: a woman has brain damage ...
no short term memory.
so her BF has to figure out how to remind her who she is ...
it's actually very good.
well written.
you should watch it.
K: I have a list.
b1: adam sandler is in it.
K: it's now on the list.
50 First Dates, right?
b1: that's it.
K: want to know my list? It's short. I just started it recently.
b1: i've got the giant lava lamp from the party fired up.
K: Bug
Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer
Paranormal Activity 2
The Descent
Frankenstein Unbound
50 First Dates
b1: i've only seen 2 of those.
and never heard of "bug."
my countertops are zodiaq (r).
K: it's about a guy who thinks he has bugs under his skin
b1:that's pleasant.
K:for sure
b1: how the hell did you hear about that? skippy?
--------------------------------- 2:11
that's a skippy film.
K: a TV special. "most disturbing movie scenes".
the first 5 are all from that
b1: 24 hours of most disturbing movies.
b1: no, you using caps lock is disturbing.
K: John Irving movies are disturbing
K: very young Rob Lowe is getting a BJ right now. his sister Jodi Foster
is listening.
b1: sexy.
what's your favorite ice cream?
K: prob. rocky road
b1: doesn't jodi get off on it?
K: Beau Bridges is their dad
she just thinks it's funny
b1: that'd be my choice, if i were god.
K: the woman is a waitress at the hotel. at the end, Rob pays her.
b1: that's because she's a lesbo IRL.
K: is it?
b1: yes.
big time.
K: Jodi Foster usually makes good movies
b1: she's great.
K: yeah
b1: scorsese was totally on the mark with her.
K: what did he say?
b1: she's the hooker in taxi driver.
at the true age of 14.
she's SO good in that role.
K: ah yeah
something horribly tragic about to happen in this movie
b1: what?
jodi will kiss rob?
and pay him?
K: not sure.but its guaranteed.
did you see World According to Garp?
b1: yes.
didn't like it.
K: John Irving.
b1: it was the film that turned me on robin williams.
K: Rob & Jodi have just been captured by the evil football players.
b1: goddamn football players.
K: yeah
b1: i should write a film that's space aliens, football players and
nurses ...
1 of those japanese style 1s ...
where both the space aliens AND the football players are evil.
K: 24 hours long
b1: no. 1 hour long. it just seems like 24.
K: Jodi's getting raped
gang raped
b1: sexy.
K: John Fucking Irving
b1: she'll make a lot in tips.
no wonder she's a lesbo.
K: now the black guys are coming to avenge her
b1: they're all nurses.
K: right! how did you know?
b1: i'm like that.
K: ok
--------------------------------- 2:22
they have a dog named Sorrow
Fucking John Fucking Irving
b1: of course they do.
K: the dog farts all the time
b1: the cider house rules!
what's JI's problem?
K: beats me
he suffers from suckfuckia
b1: he's too happy and rich so he has to keep everyone else down?
don't make me laugh in bed ... i'll wake someone.
K: stifle yourself
and now Sorrow died
goddamn fucking John Fucking Irving
b1: your conversational tone has gotten way way profane over the last
few weeks, by the way.
K: really? I haven't noticed a change.
b1: not that i think it makes you "worse."
K: understood.
timeout while I get some water. 3 min.
b1: okay.
F bomb 6 x in the last few sentences.
K: it's Irving's fault
b1: you were that way before irving, you're just using it as an excuse.
you're playing the irving card.
K: damn Irving
Grandpa (Wilford Brimley) just dreamed that Sorrow attacked him.
and dead, stuffed Sorrow fell out of the closet. Grandpa had a heart
attack and died
sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick
b1: i kinda like that, actually.
although killing wilford brimley is tough.
K: I kinda do too
b1: when does the plane crash into the house?
K: the little kid, Egg, threw Sorrow into the grave with WIlford
b1 : good choice.
Rob's fucking the waitress again
b1: sexy
that's a good egg.
b1: this'll cost him, though.
--------------------------------- 2:32
K: the payment is offscreen
b1: that's not sexy.
K: Rob meets Jodi's friend Bitsy, but calls her Titsy
b1: that is.
will he get some of that?
K: survey says: yes
the waitress is jealous
b1: then she needs to give the tips back.
ALL of them.
K: new black chick. she wants Rob.
aaaaand she removes her FULL DENTURES
b1: sexy.
but only the hamster will have him.
K: coming up in reel 3
toothless sends Rob off to Titsy
b1: this is when you say: "put pants over your head and stand on your
try it with momma K.
you'll get places "you've never been."
K: Hmm.
Titsy's getting ready in the bathroom, but she sees Sorrow floating in
the tub. No sex for Rob.
Egg: "Sorrow was on fire, so I put him in the tub."
b1: sweet sorrow.
K: yah!
so how sick is this movie?
b1: 9.
K: waitress has a new boyfriend
everybody else is getting drunk
b1: big tipper?
K: we'll never know
b1: it moves right along.
K: that it does
new chick (Gayle Garfinkle) molests Rob. he rejects.
oh holy shit
Egg is Seth Green!
b1: perfect.
how'd you figure that out?
K: imdb
--------------------------------- 2:43
K: Frank (the gay son) likes to put Sorrow in people's rooms while they
and now the family ismoving to Vienna
b1: you know what that makes this movie ...
seth green eggs with ham.
(that's it. 4 full HA lines. most ever.)
b1: thanks for that.
K: totally deserved.
b1: although i'm sitting here chuckling in bed in the dead of night ...
so everyone else thinks i'm masturbating.