you should see her rave

you gotta love my mom ... it's 22:45 and she: 1. asks me if i'm staying in for the rest of the night & 2. apologizes for going to bed so early.

canned humor

b1-66er: 

special K: What are the odds?

b1: THEY MADE 'EM, CUSTOM!
the machine was at IA S U.
you have to look close, but the names are actually printed labels that the machine applies to the can.

K: Oh! I haven't seen that.
Does it have an obscenity filter?

b1: of course.

K: Fuck.

b1: that's why.

... but those people DO look good

b1-66er: irony and sarcasm are tools of the uninspired and weak.

... and now a word from medicine ...

the great and mighty richardo: unfortunately there is always a long answer in medicine but usually not as informative as the short answer.

painless, jeweless

solid goldstein on vasectomies: Surprisingly unpainful operation. Considering they stick 2 needles in your scrotum...

the paws that refreshes

special K: The [planet of the apes] double feature tickets are $27-$30 each.

b1-66er: yeah.  what're singles?

K: 12

b1: yeah.  that's what I'm thinking...unless you're whacked on seeing a double.

K: No. That's too big a rip off even for me.
"includes exclusive souvenir lanyard and poster"

b1:  should include a handjob from caesar, or "a minimum wage employee who looks remarkably like caesar."

K: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
APE HAS JACKED APE
APE HAS JACKED APE

b1: THAT'S NOT A BANANA!

K: take your filthy paws off me, you damn dirty ape!

rhymes with "orange"

b1-66er: you are the singly most infuriating, invigorating, clueless and deeply understanding person I know.

zz: Oh that is so going on my tombstone!
I may weep.

b1: you are an exact and perfect fractal key...
... for which there is no lock.

z: Okay, now you're making me wet.