29.12.20

Boy Story

b1-66er:'Of the upcoming year, Nostradamus also wrote, "After great trouble for humanity, a greater one is prepared... Rain, blood, milk, famine, steel, and plague." In other words, nothing we don't already know.'
 https://www.businessinsider.com/japan-developing-wooden-satellites-kyoto-university-2020-12

Special K: Excellent.

b1: In the future, you'll have satellites.
They'll be made of wood.

K: Just like we thought.

b1: It'll be very strong space wood...
... Cultivated in Japan...
... But it will be wood.

K: Good wood.

b1: Not THAT kind of wood.

K: Mars wood.

b1: How did you ever pass in school?

28.12.20

One person's cure is another's...

Former Flyer: <pic>

b1-66er: Which, I believe, is the definition of ...
... FUCKED UP.

24.12.20

Live talkin'

Special K: "Bee Gees Classics Are 'Stayin' Alive' on Dance Charts After HBO Documentary Premiere"

b1-66er: Relive your past!
Get COVID on Xmas and have  a Saturday night fever!

K: Eek!

21.12.20

Say Good Morning! on the solstice - KTXT style

{the entirety of communications between Special K & b1-66er from 00:01 to 10:00}


Special K:

[03:50 PT] - Goodnight. Passed out on the couch after 3 episodes of Justified. Tomorrow is a new day. 

[09:02] - "F.D.A. Wants to Stop Regulating French Dressing"

[09:04] - "Just Buy Your Loved Ones Eleven Feet of Salami: A Food-Themed Gift Guide"

20.12.20

Shotgun Jonesing

The Actore: Highlights from a classic.
You're welcome

b1-66er: Jesus.

TA: Right?! I know I've done some bad acting in my day, but at least I haven't been that bad

b1: I have to agree.
When it started I thought, "The Actore's gotta be in this."
How many of those people do you personally know?

TA: Haha, not in this one, but I played a very small role doing one day on a movie that was just as bad if not worse. It might have even been the same director. The only reason I did it is because a friend of mine was playing the lead, and he didn't trust anybody else to do a machete fight scene. So I didn't get paid but I helped keep him alive by not actually hurting him in a fight scene

b1: Whatta great story.

TA: I know the very broad chinned big Asian baddie with the sword and beard. But that was it as far as I know
And it's just as bad , I'm pretty sure it was the same director, but if not, was someone just as bad and just as unprofessional

b1: BUT...
... It's the right people in the right place.

TA: Ok, just found this link. The movie is actually ever so slightly better. Clearly bigger budget, shoot on film not video, and ever so slightly better acting. My friend plays the eponymous hero, Shotgun Jones. He also wrote the script. Turns out, different director-from Israel, not Iran

Ho-ho ho

b1-66er: "Brazil's Jair Bolsonaro bizarrely suggests COVID-19 vaccines could turn people into crocodiles or bearded ladies"

b1-67er: I choose crocodile

66: I choose...
...CHOCODILE!

Reaching for the Latch Cereal

Special K: The Rose Bowl has been moved to Dallas!
"It is unclear if the game will still be called Rose Bowl"

b1-66er: They should call it
The Prickly Pear Bowl...
Or maybe...
Elon had the right idea bend over and take this rocket bowl

K: The Elon Gated Bowl. 

19.12.20

... and a Fresca chaser, please...

b1-66er: "McDonald's will be releasing a Spam burger topped with Oreos in China next week."

D4rw1n: That's too gross not to be true
could I get some gummy worm fries and Buffalo wing sauce with that 

15.12.20

Fry in the sky

b1-66er: "Bun, patty, cheese, bacon, patty, cheese, and more bacon — the Baconator seemed like it was designed by a resentful, newly divorced man trying to curse his wife's memory with a poor diet."

b1-67er: Your ratio of fast food knowledge: fast food consumption is shockingly high.

14.12.20

Theongony and the ecstacy

Special K: 

Q- "What's the difference between Larry Ellison and God?"

A- "God doesn't think He's Larry Ellison."

Gummi etiquette

b1-66er: 'If you're quick on the 'Buy Now!' button you can occasionally score giant bags of gummy bears online for the price of a fast-food meal. The problem is, depending on where you live, you may have to wait several hours for those gummies to be delivered. Who has that kind of will power and patience? No one and you don't have to either, because for $40 you can get a countertop machine from Nostalgia Products that makes gummy treats on demand. After whipping up a gelatin mixture you can melt it down using two heated pots and then pour it into chill-able silicon molds giving you chewy deliciousness in seconds. Or, it also comes with a mold for creating a giant edible gummy bear if that's a fantasy you've been hoping to one day play out. The candy maker is also 420-friendly allowing you to enhance gummy candies with CBD oil, or really any ingredients and flavoring you can think of. Don't let yourself be limited by Haribo's lack of imagination.'

b1-67er: Don't disparage Haribo like that.

You are what you writ

b1-66er: "Instead, the fabric-wrapped dongle focuses on movement and sound."
I've heard people say that about you before. 

Special K: It's going on my business card, wikipedia page, and tombstone.

13.12.20

Stick a fork in 61-67er...he's done

b1-66er: "An employee at the auto business confronted the homeless man, police said, who was armed with BBQ utensils and a fight ensued."

b1-67er: Maybe they were  'embroiled' in a fight is a better turn of phrase?

66: Saucy.

10.12.20

Properly spreading your savings

b1-66er: Goddamn I can fly to DEN in the Xmas season for US$11.

Special K: I can run out on the freeway for nothing. 

b1: BUT WHO ARE YOU GONNA GIVE COVID TO IF YOU DO THAT?

9.12.20

The psychosis of self-correction

b1-66er: "'Cat Scratch' Bacteria Linked to Psychiatric Symptoms in People"...
___your_Ted_Nugent_joke_goes_here___

Chair Man of the Bored: That explains so much
I was raised by cats
I mean
WIth cats

1.12.20

Bad Moon Setting

Special K: Misty dawn over Campbell, with moon. 

30.11.20

What if I filled my spirit with indifference to other people?

b1-66er: "What if I'd filled my freezer with frozen prepared meals, waiting to burn my tongue and leave me dissatisfied day after day spent alone in my home?"

Special K: What indeed?

28.11.20

Choke-y

b1-66er: Crappiest bowl of popcorn imaginable...
Perfect for
ANACONDA

Special K: Nice. 

b1: Suicide!
Not even to the credits yet. 

Black jaguar eaten by snake!

Snooty white guy:" I could hire someone for $50 to kill you. "
Ice Cube: "I could kill you for free right now. "

Tracheotomy with a Bowie knife!


K: Suffragette!


b1: First anaconda death!
AND Jennifer Lopez hissing, "asshole" under her breath. 
THIS MOVIE HAS EVERYTHING!

<monkey gets shot>
"What the hell are we doing?"
"WE NEED ANACONDA BAIT!"

Gary just got anaconded.

When Jon Voight sez, "everyone else don't move" in a S American accent...
... NO ONE MOVES!
Oh the verisimilitude!

Jennifer Lopez, "This was supposed to be my big break...
... But it's been a BIG DISASTER!"
So right, Jennifer. 
So completely right. 

"I was up all night picking leeches off my scrotum."
Sounds better with an English accent. 

<1 hour later>

Okay okay okay. 
I've been through a lot. 
I've gotta settle down. 

The movie's over. 

FIRST, This is NOT a bad movie. 

A high point...
...maybe THE high point, is Ice Cube embedding an axe in the skull of THE anaconda...
... AFTER the snake was flaming...
... AFTER you gettin' the first-stomach's-eye-view of Jon Voight being swallowed...
... and AFTER he was puked back out only to wink at Jennifer Lopez...
... was The Cube saying 
"Bitch."
To the snake.

Yes, the mambo both hisses and sounds suspiciously like a cougar in heat...
... and IT VERY WELL COULD BE that's a sexist mono-syllable that time dates itself (nearly 25 years ago!)...
The phrase still works in that revered NWA "No Vaseline" kinda way. 

8/10. Leaves Nf in 2 days. 
Watch the flick before it drifts off the service. 
Find something else to do while it's playing. 

K: Bien.

Joker in Purgatory

b1-66er: One thing we didn't cover in our phone conversation just now...
... WHY is the Jack of Diamonds hermiting?

The Emperor: Jack is just Jack ...he is getting out and running quite a bit - training to run a mile in under 4:35 (has a bet on that)

b1: How big is that bet?

E: If I remember right, he put up US$2500 to win 250k, but I could be off...
...has to beat the fastest time he's ever run in the mille...
... he just won one for US$50k where he had to run in under 5 minutes in a sanctioned track meet - that was before COVID, and there haven't been many of those, so he flew to Florida to run in one and made it

27.11.20

"Now please wear your Actual Reality glasses"

Special K: I wore actual pants to dinner. We ate at the dining room table.

26.11.20

... With feeling now, from the wattle

b1-66er: "There's at Least a Little Turkey Inside Each of Us"

Special K: And how. 

25.11.20

What's the frequency, K-bot?

b1-66er: Here's one for you...
This AM I'm sitting at the dinner table, eating breakfast as one does in full acceptance of trans meal culture...
Time for morning meds...
Only half a dose of everything in my containers...
"I guess the tryptophan of the deep fried turkey winked out my ability to count last night..."
Ha ha uh...
Not EXACTLY...
In my food phrenzy, instead of eating dinner, I rode the exercise bike. 
Tecfidera is a known liver router. I only take it with food. 
Except there was no more food. 
The results this AM?
MS underdose...
P pill underdose...
No vitamins (took D in the morning)...
Wait wait, there's more physical damage to witness...
I had beef...
AND turkey ...
AND potatoes...
YESTERDAY. 
So Johnny Snooty I Eat So Much Better Than All You Prix throws it all in a trashcan in single afternoon.
Three years. 
Gone
If I full-on relapse, break the spokes out of my wheelchair, put a Metallica sticker on my forehead, take all the change out of my pockets and be DONE WITH IT. 

Special K: Can I have your stereo?

21.11.20

<< in any other language

b1-66er: 

The Fembot: Hmmmm.  I know the Hub is missing going to the movies, and so is my good friend Ls.  That was a big part of your life, too, pre-pandemic.  Me? There is so much on Netflix and Amazon prime  I have never seen.  I never need to go to a theater again.

b1: I've slowly flipped over to a watching flix on my TV guy...
... the one thing I miss is a quality sound experience (although I like a volume I can control, theaters can be earsplitting)...
...It's really REALLY nice to not have people using their phones or talking in the theater as the movies are playing. 

F: Yes.  I watch a lot of documentaries - it is good for no distractions.

b1: I also like:
Being able to pause. 
Being able to back up. 
Being able to flip subtitles on and off. 
Not having people stand in front of me during the credits. 
And, of course, replaying scenes after the fact. 

F: Yes.  I do those things, sometimes.  My eldest offspring always watches movies with subtitles on.

b1: I like that, too.
The problem is I find myself following along the reading lines on the TV, rather than paying attention to the cinematography...
More than once I've been watching Asian cinema, thinking something like, "I'm getting pretty good at Mandarin!"...

F: Ha!

b1: Only to realize that while I haven't been reading the subtitles, I have...
A) been interpreting things based on film score and body language
B) spent a considerable amount of time looking at scenery and backdrops...
-And-
C) lost complete track of what the hell's going on...
...Only to back up about 7 minutes to where I DID know what was going on and replay.
Not once, but three times, I've had to repeat that exact process in triplicate...
... when I repeatedly fall into the exact same trap...

F: That is funny.  

b1: ...(so let's see, Mr. Chang is upset that the shipment isn't coming from Hong Kong as expected. Mr Leung sez the cargo will be on the hovercraft entering the harbor now...
... and look! that architecture's interesting...
... see how the left front rib of the hovercraft is bent up slightly from having to beach...
... man, that's a nice day in Hong Kong. It was raining the day I was at the place they are right now...
... but I did have good dim sum AND a mangosteen...
...WAIT... what's that?...a gun?...those are WAY illegal in Hong Kong!
OH GODDAMMIT. I'M GOING TO HAVE TO REWIND ANOTHER 7 MINUTES AGAIN!)

19.11.20

Good thing it's not full...

b1-66er: "A gym trainer exposed 50 athletes to Covid-19, but no one else got sick because of a ventilation redesign"

Special K: Did he know he had it?

b1: I don't even care. 
I make half cocked comments based on my superior intellect. 

K: AGREE
And that's why I love you.

18.11.20

Death Reality Show

Special K: "Roughly 40 percent plan to attend a Thanksgiving gathering with 10 or more people, according to
a recent survey
commissioned by Ohio 

b1-66er: Where?
In OH?

K: National. 

b1: The great sardonicism here is some people will catch COVID and die BECAUSE they went to T-Day...
... and some of those relatives will say, "it's so nice that we could see Grandma before she died."

K: Yes. Essentially that's what the task force spokesperson encouraged. 

16.11.20

Tautology

Special K: "Should you write a question headline?"

13.11.20

Slow heated roll to perfection

c1-67er: I always thought baseball was too slow.

b1-67er: Baseball is a different kind of sport.  It's more like a hot dog stand with a tv.

12.11.20

Yukon bold

b1-66er: Special K tells me that Fb tells him that it's your birthday today. 
Happy Birthday.

The Robot: Thank you. For some reason I can't explain, the Idaho Lottery knows it's my birthday and sent me an email. 

b1: TIME TO BUY A TICKET!
GO SPUDS!

5.11.20

Picturing a Presidential victory

Special K: Very well designed graphic. 

b1-67er: I think electrical system design has the symbology for those concepts.  I think the graphic would be better if PA was to the right of the other states in the blue version, and a big plus sign was used instead of the word "and" on the red version.

4.11.20

The !ON החלף

b1-66er :הופך לאדם הכי חכם בעולם

לא : מיוחד K

b1: "Giant iceberg floating toward island in the Atlantic Ocean, could endanger wildlife"
Maybe I should give you all headlines in Hebrew. 

לא : K

3.11.20

Remember your priorities on Election Day

b1-66er: "New Walt Disney World Happy Meal Toys Coming Soon!"

Special K: Not soon enough.

2.11.20

Wiggly V

b1-66er: https://newatlas.com/automotive/ssc-tuatara-speed-record-controversy/

b1-67er: That speed record is very fishy.  The engineers will have a very good idea of what the car can do, so if you get numbers much higher the engineers should be very suspicious.  Things never outperform, they always underperform.  I think they had to have known.  Saying the gps company validated when they didn't tells you they are willing to straight up lie.

30.10.20

Just stop buggin' me

Special K: <pic>
Pretty fly for a white guy. 

b1-66er: Har.

29.10.20

Conservation of momentum is bad



b1-66er: "Taco Bell's Grilled Cheese Burrito — and its controversial decision to kill menu items like its beloved potatoes — send sales soaring."

b1-67er: There is no controversy like the grilled potato controversy.

66: THESE are the times we live in. 
It has never ever ever been as bad as it is RIGHT NOW. 
Except for NOW. 

67: Or maybe NOW

Plateful 8

Special K: "Nationally, voters have cast 57.3% of the total votes counted in
the 2016 general election." But it doesn't say how many of 2016 were early votes.

b1-66er: I know that answer. 
There were 8 early votes in 2016.

K: Exactly.

b1: They were all cast for Ross Perot. 
No one likes to talk about that. 

K: For good reason.


<ed: the graphic used here is for festive purposes only and not meant to imply preference for any American political party. As with the US 'forever' stamp, the small image presented is not a representation of the Statute of Liberty given to the United States by France as a gift; rather, it's the copy of the tasteful duplicate in front of NY NY casino in Paradise, NV.

28.10.20

No, no gimme the RIGHT answer

<the following is an unprompted soliloquy from a single mom of twin girls who moved from CA to TX for family economic leverage {my term}, pre-pandemic. It should be noted that she achieved what she was hoping to do.>

Former flyer: 

I feel like my whole life is studying for a big test at the time of my death. At the pearly gates, I will be asked: What did you learn from your life?

And I will answer: I was pretty much always wrong.

Et tu, froggy?

b1-66er: "If you say 'cancelled clown' three times in Burger King restrooms in Sweden, the lights dim and Ronald McDonald appears in the mirror"

Special K: In France, you get a cigarette and a McCroque Monsieur.

Boundom

b1-66er: "Las Vegas police: Passenger intentionally hits bicyclist from moving minivan, both die"

Great and Mighty Ricardo: Pretty crazy.  Don't think that you can get that crazy without some mind altering substance.  The driver of the car has not been caught yet so who knows how the rest of the story will go.

b1: Absolutely guaranteed there's alcohol at a dead minimum. 
They'll get the other guy (and you KNOW it's a guy).
This city has surveillance that's approaching levels of London...
Almost everyone gets apprehended who remains in the LV metro area who does this kind of crime presentation
When your bars never close and marijuana's legal...
Add in legal prostitution and gambling...
Gives a certain mind type an idea of free reign.
They don't realize it. 
It just soaks in like a dry kitchen sponge sitting in a puddle of spilled beer. 

GaM: What is strange is that the substance give you freedom.  What is concerning is that this is what you want to do if you are free.

21.10.20

I can feel it in the gulf air tonight. Oh, Lord!

Former flyer: Only in Texas will they have early voting in the same auditorium as same day COVID testing 

b1-66er: That is truly laugh out loud funny. 
Are there 2 lines in...
GUNS
  &
NO GUNS
?

Ff: I'm just hoping I'm not in the covid line!

b1: IF you are, I'd suggest voting
NO COVID
but it's your choice. 

18.10.20

Squirmin' with Irvin'

b1-66er: "People are done putting hearts on their windows and teddy bears out for scavenger hunts," said Katie Rosenberg, the mayor of Wausau, Wis., a city of 38,000 where a hospital has opened an extra unit to treat Covid-19 patients. "They have had enough."

Special K: Right.

b1: "If the spring was characterized by horror, the fall has become an odd mix of resignation and heedlessness."
... which leads us to Hallowe'en...
... the season of headlessness.

15.10.20

Tryin' for Tiran

b1-66er: http://ktxt.blogspot.com/2020/10/short-bus-runnin.html?m=1

Special K: Great one. Love the title. 

b1: I thought there was a CHANCE you might not understand the title. 

K: I'm pretty well versed in the DB canon. Although I wasn't a big fan, they were huge when I listened to a lot of radio.

b1: Sure. 
I told you about Z, right?
He was learnin' guitar from kids in his neighborhood...
Z: "why do you guys know and play doobie brothers all the time?"
Drug head: "They live in the house right over there!"

Short bus runnin'

Special K: "Michael McDonald, who runs the United States Elections Project, estimates that we could be up to as many as 40 million people having voted by the end of next week." 

Is that true, or just what a fool believes?

Not OK computing

b1-66er: "Although vitamins K1 and K2 are safe, synthetic vitamin K3 is known to be highly toxic."
K3 is your new nickname for when you suddenly get bitchy. 
K³.

Special K: Why not KKK?

b1: Special K!

K: K OK OK.

13.10.20

Pass the roųge, please

Special K: "Zoë Kravitz Glams Up as Catwoman, Colin Farrell Is Unrecognizable as the Penguin on The Batman Set"

b1-66er: You know, I get the same way whenever Zoë glams.

Fall into the building

b1-66er: https://www.space.com/blue-origin-new-shepard-ns-13-2nd-launch-try-webcast

Special K: I woke up just in time to watch the Blue Origin launch, thanks. A very different vibe from the SpaceX webcasts. This one felt more like they were trying to sell me a condo.

b1: The Accomplice and I are both laughing. 

K: Heh. Did you watch? What did you think?

b1: I did not. 
I was having deep architectural conversations about the sociological impressions of what I call "the crunchy building guys."
(You may not know this, but I did not go to Princeton... my architectural lexicon isn't "far advanced.")

10.10.20

"Okay Google, increase Mr. Wallen's b1 chip holdings by 1"

Special K: "SNL' Cuts Musical Guest After Videos Show Him Kissing Women And Partying Maskless"

b1-66er: Which one?

K: Morgan Wallen, tonight's musical guest, to be replaced by Jack White. 

b1: I don't know MW, but I'd take JW over almost any living musician for SNL.

K: Exactly. 

b1: His response in that article is both worthy and spot on. 

K: Yes. 

b1: Although I don't even know him, I like him better now. 

K: Yes. A win for him. 

8.10.20

Out of the gutter

Special K: Four count 'em four elimination games in MLB today.

b1-66er: And that is...
What? Unusual?

K: Very unusual, not unprecedented.

b1: Okay. 
I just have to regulate both my fervor...
... and my vehemence that you watch. 

K: And it's incumbent on me, when I spew sports stuff at you, to properly describe if or why it's interesting.

b1: Good, we both understand our positions. 
Me: bitch
You: witch

K: Life: ditch

7.10.20

The viviparous toad croaks

b1-66er: NYT: 'I Won't Be Used as a Guinea Pig for White People'

Special K: I am available as a guinea pig for white people. Ask for rate quote.

2.10.20

Thoughts on Heaven and Bell

<Note to the reader: this posting contains, perhaps, the greatest concept/ line/ personal-passive-aggressive thought to ever appear on KTXT. It's been subtly encoded for your subliminal pleasure.>

b1-66er: https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/taco-bell-employee-astounds-tiktokers-143815088.html
As opposed to this one, which is starting to walk toward the other edge of the food madness globe
...having said that, I eat entirely within the set described there...
...(& don't eat anything packaged, so coloring isn't a problem)...

67: This is right at the intersection of nutrition and psychiatry, the two medical disciplines I believe are the least figured out.

b1-66er: Yes. 
I didn't send you the article about the possiblity being blood-let by snorkel nose leeches. 

66: "Robotic pet companions were initially tested on adults diagnosed with dementia..."

67: Nothing like pairing someone with an automaton to enhance their grasp on reality.

66: Exactly. 

67: Looking at Trump's age group he has about a 6 percent chance of mortality on this.  Probably less, he is way above average on quality of health care.

66: I wouldn't mind seeing it do its worst...
If he does a Boris Johnson recovery, the evangelicals will come out of the rafters. 

67: Yeah I have very mixed feelings on this, which I'm not proud of.  It will probably kill someone in his entourage.
 If there is a God, Trump may indeed reap what he sowed.

66: WE FINALLY GET TO PUT MY "GOD THEORY" TO A TEST!
I pray the results are not ambiguous.

67: That's a funny line.

Watching the daze go by

Karpov: Learned days of the week in Spanish today, revelation!
Lunes must have something to do with the moon. ****, does that mean that Monday also is associated with the moon?  Yes indeed. I had no idea. 

b1-66er: GO KARPOV!
You're kinda doin' this whole life thing backwards, you know?...
... Most people get smart, THEN make millions...
... not vice versa. 

Kpi: Don't tell me you knew this. 

<note to reader: notice he doesn't deny making millions, which would be the obvious first play for 'normal' people.>

b1: PHUCK KARPOV.
I'VE KNOWN IT SINCE I WAS 13.
WHY?
BECAUSE THAT'S WHEN I TOOK SPANISH.

1.10.20

Sucking in green nuts with the President

Special K: (22:08 PT) The President tests positive.


b1-66er: Seriously?

K: Yes.

b1: NOW do you believe in Yahweh?

K: Same belief as before (whatever that was).

b1: אין דבר כזה
Special K at his bar mitzvah. 1972.

K: Whoa! What the heck is that from?

b1: What?
Come on, man. 
I figured out caffeine deficiency was jacking me up...
... AND I AM TOTALLY RAMPED UP RIGHT NOW...
...5 parts organic black, 1 part raspberry zinger. 

K: Why did you write that Hebrew? And the bit about my bar mitzvah? I think that’s even the right year.

b1: Because...
... THAT'S WHAT YOU TOLD SOLID GOLDSTEIN'S COUSIN AT YOUR BAR MITZVAH.
What? Do you think I'm going to ignore an early K report?
Especially with you and your newly learned flashy Hebrew. 

K: I thought I was SG’s cousin. Which cousin is this?

b1: WHAT? LIKE YOU'RE THE ONLY COUSIN OF SOLID GOLDSTEIN?...
WERE NONE OF THE LEVYS THERE?
OR SHAPIROS?
And what about the COHENS and PEROTINS?
And the FINKS.  The Finks absolutely were there. 
I'D KNOW, WOULDN'T I?
NONE of them?
None. 
Like I'm just "making this up."

K: I am eating pistachios.

b1: THAT makes me laugh. 
I'm going to have some too.

K: Excellent. One of my favorite foods.
At night I eat them to stay awake while watching TV.

b1: <pic>



Rubber filter - pleasing to the touch

Special K: "The latest health department records obtained by Forum News Service reveal there are only 22 available ICU beds and 248 regular inpatient beds in the whole state [ND], including zero in Grand Forks and just two in Bismarck."

b1-66er: Penthouse Forum?

K: I hope so.

b1: Well, when you started talking about beds...
... it wasn't hard to connect that dot. 

K: That is completely logical.

b1: And that, right there, is the precise the high water mark of my 'reasonable thoughts' this week.

K: You seem sharp through this filter.

b1: My point exactly. 

Maybe we could go to the PlayPlace afterward?

b1-66er: "Burger King thinks it deserves a Michelin star"

Special K: And a pony.

28.9.20

God created me, blame It

Special K: I attended online services for Yom Kippur tonight. I like that version, I don't have to get dressed up, or pay full attention, etc.

27.9.20

Jacked-up

b1-66er: "Jill Duggar Opens Up About Wearing Pants, Going to Therapy & Why She's Not Opposed to Tattoos"

Special K: Close it back up, Jill.

26.9.20

Jamocha Like

b1-66er: "I know what I want...
...I want everything. "

***

Lawrencian: "Tell me what you want, you really really want"

***

His boy Sherman: You can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.
But not always.

b1: I think I've just found what kept you from your true success as a Rolling Stone. 

HbS: She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah...but just like, as a friend.

b1: DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH WHEN I'M ALONE ON MY COUCH IN MY UNDERWEAR. 

HbS:  She was just 17. If you know what I mean. And the way she looked was...
...irrelevant because the objectification of women in today's culture is completely out of hand and shouldn't be encouraged.
 Imma natural born lyricist.

b1: It's true...
You straddle that thin line between unbridled romantic and aspergerian observationist.

25.9.20

Eye wide shut

b1-66er: "The story behind Miley Cyrus' designer vagina necklace"

Special K: ...is one that I won't be reading.

24.9.20

All in the word (not the follicle)

b1-66er: "Losing Your Hair Can Be Another Consequence of the Pandemic"

Special K: My hair is longer than it's been in years.

b1: Would you say, broadly speaking, that you're "sexier?"

K: No.

23.9.20

Some questions shall never be answered

b1-66er: "I remember searching for the perfect words..."
"I remember hating you for loving me. "

Special K: Riding on the Metro...

b1: Painful memories. 
THE high point of renting cars was getting a Geo Metro...
It made me incessant in my Berlin quotes. 

K: Sex! I'm a

b1: ... you're a wolverine ...
... in a snow blanket!

K: Why not?

21.9.20

I'm afraid you've got an impacted truth

Special K: The Stanley Cup finals are being played in the northernmost NHL city, between the league's 2 southernmost teams.

b1-66er: Great datum. 
<later>
 "Halle Berry Just Posted A New Swimsuit Photo And Her Butt Looks So Toned"

Special K: We used to call her 'Tony Butt.'

b1: It's that true?

Special K: It is not.
That bit about the southernmost teams is also not true, I just figured out. The correct phrasing is "southernmost teams EVER TO PLAY FOR THE CUP."

15.9.20

Your eyes are the window to your Reddi-wip

b1-66er: https://www.delish.com/restaurants/g33983537/best-menu-items-at-chain-restaurants/

Stearno: Are those your new seven things?
 I'm proud to say I haven't been to most of those places, and the few I have, it's been years. (Still miss you, Chili's!)

b1: So tempting.
The IHOP pancakes sound (and look) hideous. 

S: It's that syrup color - looks like a murder scene. By the way, should you ever happen to stab me to death, please remember to empty a can of whipped cream on my corpse.

b1: Guaranteed. 
I'll lick it off your eyes. 

S: Thanks, pal!

14.9.20

Land of prose and moonshine

Stearno: Amazon just notified me that your hoses are on your porch.

b1-66er: Absolutely perfect timing. I just got out of bed. Thank you, Stearno!
CNN just informed me that 
Oregon residents are illegally stopping drivers at gunpoint during wildfire evacuations
When you're not allowed to pump your own gas, things happen. 

S: Not all Oregon residents
My shift isn't until Thursday

11.9.20

Wait. Is that the Cheezolator K?

b1-66er: That article is actually pretty good. 
Best Whizzinator story you'll read today. I promise. 

Special K: Yes.

b1: I'm pretty sure you read more whizzinator stories than I do. 

K: I'm completely sure.

What matters is the Uni -- not the lever

Special K: "Man Known as BabyQ Is in Trouble for Using Synthetic Penis"

b1-66er: If I advise him about it, would that be a 
Baby Q tip?

...Like Barbie clothes that're the wrong size...

b1-66er: ...I asked b1-67er if he'd sunk his entire bonsai forest into baby pools when the fire was across the street...
... and it was like he'd heard the voice of God...
... OH! THAT'S A GREAT IDEA!

Stearno: Oh, man, a bonsai forest fire would be the most awful cutest thing.

The Count of Monte Fritos

b1-66er: "1 in custody for setting fire to Las Vegas motel room with someone inside"
"Pringles tube tries to wake from 'recycling nightmare'"

Special K: Put those together, you have a good horror movie.

9.9.20

Snipe hunting with the K!

Special K: My front yard. Find the sun. 

8.9.20

I know what you aren't, but what aren't I?

b1-66er: "Can You Tell a Narcissist by Where They Take You on a Date?"

Special K: You can't tell a narcissist anything.

b1: How would I know?

K: Same. 

... and now, we just make stuff up ...

Special K: Breakfast cereal and puzzles are 23% of pop culture.

5.9.20

The Unsinkable Lone Star Line

b1-66er: "At Least 4 Boats Sink During 'Trump Boat Parade' in Texas"

Special K: U. S. S. Metaphor.

<a few hours later>

b1: "As Trump Parade Boats Sink In Texas, So Are The President’s Polling Numbers"

K: Not that great a headline.

b1: Ghosts of Kerry's Torpedo Boats Let it Rip While Playing Wagner Arias

K: I like that one. 

b1: does it bother you that it's not true?

K: No, I don’t even know what it means. I’m just excited by the headline-ness of it.

b1: Okay. It works then.
 We'll ship it. 

2.9.20

Higher Plain

b1-66er: <pic>

Special K: I'm so tired of being a drugstore. 

1.9.20

Gimme a crashed motorcycle with a twist

b1-66er: <pic>

Special K: What am I looking at?

b1: YOU? 
A woman's legs.

K: Fantastic. 

Chairman of the Fjord

b1-66er: "Can a Bubble Net Stop a Hurricane? Some Norwegians Think So"

Special K: Some Norwegians think god is made of cheese.
Probably.

30.8.20

I don't care if you've already been called on, raise your hand


b1-66er: "My Husband Is Controlling and Emotionally Violent"

Special K: Smack him. 

29.8.20

It's the coat check that's a bitch

b1-66er: EVERYBODY'S GOT WINGS IN GOD'S HOTEL!

Special K: I like it. 

28.8.20

So...where's the hand?

b1-66er: <pix>

b1-67er: Brings new meaning to the term, 'communist puppet.'

27.8.20

Wakame when it's over

b1-66er: 'Sea cucumbers are helping Costco clean up in China'
... and here I'd expect it to be sea sponges. 

Special K: Cukes not nukes. 

26.8.20

You could see that one coming

b1-66er: "Carrie Underwood Wows in a Mesh Chain Top, Leather Leggings & Unconventional Heels"

Special K: Wow.

Beauty in tragedy

Sunset denco 25AUG2020

[Pic from the Fembot.

Like much of the W U.S., CO is experiencing wildfires right now.]

25.8.20

Good, except shifting gears is a problem...

Former Meat Man: <pic>
Current temperature in Iowa. 

24.8.20

There is only one question

b1-66er: <pic>
This is the answer. 

Former Flyer: Only if the question is "what is the stupidest outfit ever made?"

Nudity is where you keyhole it

b1-66er: "Heidi Klum Covers Up Her Neon Bikini in a Jersey, Mesh Skirt & Gucci Slides"

Special K: Uncover. 

KY Fried Brain

b1-66er: "KFC suspends its 'finger lickin' good' slogan because of coronavirus"

Special K: I CAN STILL LICK MY OWN FINGERS I AM AN AMERICAN

b1: Something's happened to you. 

K: What? 

b1: I'm gonna guess head injury. 

K: Winner. 

23.8.20

Flushing down the house

b1-66er: So, is there, in fact, a way in which K House could deflagrate?

Special K: As far as I can tell, after reading a little, these kinds of fires
mainly threaten the "wildland-urban interface", where houses are right next to hills, canyons, etc. As you know, we're not near that. 
We're smack in the middle of suburban housing tracts for miles around on each side. So, I think we're relatively safe.
This is confirmed by the fire and evacuation maps. I'm not sure how terrible it would be have to be to jump miles and miles of suburban tracts.
Or "burn through", not jump.

b1: Keep me informed if your attitude changes...
You're buddha nature is more scaredy than cat
I'm not worried until you are...
... and then I'm just vocal. 

K: Yes. Well-described.

b1: I have trouble seeing Campbell as the Bay Area Dresden. 

K: Where I Iive is flat and boring.

b1: I can see that with some place like Oakland or even Redwood City. 
You're at probably more of a tsunami risk. 

K: From the toilet.

ANOTHER high fashion Sunday

b1-66er: "Izabel Goulart Works Out in a Dual-Tone Sports Bra, Spandex Shorts & Nikes"

Special K: Me too. 

b1: <pic>
It's a good look on you. 

K: Thank you. 
"Inflatable latex trousers by Harikrishnan have gone on sale"

b1: NO WAY!
How many are you buyin'?

K: All. 

b1: The only reasonable solution. 

22.8.20

Stop Making Sense

b1-66er: "...approximately 20 different fires merged into three major fires that now comprise the S.C.U. Lightning Complex, which is around Santa Clara and Alameda counties."
"The C.Z.U. Lightning Complex fire, concentrated in San Mateo and Santa Cruz counties, has so far consumed over 63,000 acres.."

Special K: I'm following those fires closely. 
SCU is east of San Jose. CZU is Santa Cruz mountains. 

b1: What's your favorite lightning complex? 

K: The one that doesn't burn my house down. 

19.8.20

Just imagine the chocicles!

b1-66er: "A Swiss Town Was Covered In Chocolate Following A Slight Malfunction At A Lindt Factory"

Special K: "Slight"

b1: You know what they call it if it's hot the next day...
...a "meltdown."
"If only all mistakes could be so magical."
"Well, one Swiss town was truly LIVING THE DREAM this past week when a malfunction at a chocolate factory caused magical flecks of chocolate to fly through the air."
"As a result, chocolate nibs, which it described as crushed cocoa beans, flew through the air and thanks to some strong winds, coated some of the town in chocolatey goodness."

K: Similar around here today, except with ash. 
I personally didn't see any. 
I'd rather have chocolate. 

b1: Ash and chocolate doesn't feel like the right idea to me.

K: Yeah. Bad combo. 

b1: Depends on light or dark. 
Dark, I prefer chocolate. 
Light, I prefer ash.
Black beans matter. 

K: That's dark matter. 

16.8.20

Let's say a bear takes an axe, a deck of cards, a doubling cube and a chess board into the woods...

Karpov: Super-interesting discussion of luck in chess vs backgammon, attributed to [Bill] Robertie. 

Best way I saw it put is [by] Robertie…

'Chess is also a probabilistic game but there is no obvious source of randomness so people don't notice [] it is a probabilistic game. [Where it is, in fact] as probabilistic as backgammon but in a different way.
Let's suppose Gary Kasparov, a 2800 player, goes up against a Grand Master who is a 2600 player. If they play a number of games over [] time, Kasparov is going to win 3 out of 4 of the decisive games pretty reliably. He's not going to win them all even though he's clearly the better player. And if Kasparov plays somebody [] he's 400 points better than, he'll win 90-odd percent of the time, but the other guy will win a few.
Why is this happening? It looks the same as if you put two backgammon players, playing 25-point matches, against each other. You'd see the same distribution. You'd see the better player winning a higher percentage, and it would be a pretty steady percentage over time, as long as their skill remained constant.
If you stuck these players in black boxes, [] all you knew from the outside is over here in Box #1 the results go WLWWWLWL and over here in Box #2 the results go WWLWWWL[. Which] box has the two chess players and which box has the two backgammon players? You can't tell the difference. You just get these strings of results and somebody is winning most of them but not all. It's obvious why this is happening in backgammon because you have the dice going on. But why is it happening in chess?
Chess is like this. Imagine it is dark and you have two people with flashlights. One guy has a big flashlight with a wide beam and the other guy has a little flashlight with a narrow beam. [Out] in front of them is a forest, and in the forest is
some treasure. You say to each player, "Okay, you guys go [] in the forest and first one to find the treasure wins." Well, the guy with the big flashlight is the favorite to find the [booty], but it's no guarantee, because the other guy could luck his way and find it [first].
And a game of chess is like that. You look at this position, and there are all these variations [] string out in front of you. You know, "I could do this, or I could do that. And I've only got time to analyze three of these ...." You're searching this tree of possibilities. Depending on how fast you think and how much you know about the game, your tree search is more efficient but it's not guaranteed to get you to the best answer.
The other guy, who's maybe clumsy[,] doesn't think as fast as you and doesn't know as much about the game, could still walk into the main variation almost by chance. That's where the chance in chess comes from. It's entirely invisible. In fact you might feel a little uncomfortable even referring to it as "chance." But [really that's] what's going on, two people basically searching a tree at different speeds.
They are still trying to find the main line, the line [describing] correct play on both sides. The better player mostly searches it better[,] but not always.
That makes chess a probabilistic game, [] that means it's got a lot in common with these other games, such as backgammon and poker.'

7.8.20

A frat dog by any other name

b1-66er: <pic>

Special K: That's fantastic. 

b1:Who's a good doggie? 
Who IS a good doggie?
That's right!
You are!

K: Is he though?

b1: Without the party hat, I'm less sure. 
I wouldn't let him box my kittens. 

K: Yeah. The hat is the great equalizer. 

5.8.20

Brain must be yuZed

Special K: <pic>

b1-66er: I assume it scrolls to:
vöuv must Bear hands -& feet

3.8.20

Repo my fright

b1-66er: "Life of a repo man is always intense!"
"Tropical Storm Isaias growing more intense as it approaches NYC, officials warn"

Special K: Yes. 

b1: "A Scary Amount of Rain Is About to Drench the East Coast"

K: Scary is a weird word in a headline. 

b1: What if there are spooks and goblins around...
... or it's Hallowe'en?

K: Not as bad.

28.7.20

25.7.20

I'm arrested

b1-66er: "Henderson Police officer arrested for DUI"

Special K: By himself. 

23.7.20

I never meta TXT planet I didn't like

Special K: I like to think of KTXT as a radio station operating on Mars.

The Western side.

22.7.20

Can't scratch fever

b1-66er: "Hello Kitty by Sanrio Hand Sanitizer" RECALLED!

Pickles: GOODBYE KITTY

20.7.20

Catch a wave and you're sittin' on top of th' corn!

Special K: "The Beach Boys have a concert scheduled in Nebraska in a few weeks. I assume the grand finale will be Mike Love forcibly dragging out a kidnapped Brian Wilson in order to cough on him during "Good Vibrations.""

b1-66er: Sick. 

15.7.20

Incendiary situation

b1-66er: New crime in my books, here:
"Touch or strike battery"

Special K: Close cover before striking. 

b1-66er: WHOA!

   ***

D4rw1n: First time I've ever heard the term. As I learned it got the bar exam, a battery is an unlawful touching, with requisite intent, without consent of the person touched. That would by definition include a strike. Also includes touching with an object (e.g., knife, bullet) or substance (e.g., spit).

Hadn't heard of this type of battery before, so I looked it up. Florida and some other jurisdictions split battery into misdemeanor battery (https://www.casemine.com/act/us/59197645add7b05bd4de2142) which is a touch or a strike, vs. felony battery, which may be charged if there is a weapon or if there is grave bodily injury.

The misdemeanor carries a maximum of 1 year imprisonment and $1,000 in fines. The felony actually has two flavors and can be $5k / 5 years or $10k / 15 years.


b1: Super interesting.
What's your guess on how many states split it out this way?

D: Probably most break it into at least two separate crimes. We learned it as one crime for the NY bar for simplicity, but I now see that NY has at least 3 versions. Kind of makes sense

b1: So how does NY split it out...
... or I guess how would common person/news moniker them.

Battery
Kinda bad battery
Mofo battery
?

D: Pretty much. Third-degree, <second?> degree, first-degree
Also, somewhat unconventionally, New York law mushes together assault and battery. Most laws consider them separate crimes (assault is the intent to cause harm coupled with some action not including a touching; battery is the unlawful touching is as outlined above). in New York, it's all called assault

b1:So...
Why would states feel it necessary to differentiate those nuances?

D: Not sure. The first reason I can think of is that while all batteries are conceptually the same, in practice it probably became quickly obvious that laying a hand on someone is not really the same crime as hitting them with a stick. So the different nuances emerged to better fit the charges to the action
I guess a secondary benefit is that the more nuances there are, the broader the range prosecutors have to offer plea bargains

Intensive purposes

b1-66er: "Las Vegas police are investigating a body that was found in the southwest valley.
According Homicide LT. Ray Spencer, officers were called to a desert area near Sahara and Rainbow for <a> body that was found.
Police are still determining if the death is suspicious."...
... Or if it's just that normal body in the desert thing that happens sometimes. 

Zz: In Las Vegas, nobody gets killed that isn't supposed to.

b1: So right. 
You don't have to move here...
... You already ARE a Las Vegan. 

1.7.20

Go fetch my insulin!

Special K: "Dog caught stealing cupcakes in Instagram video, owner calls her 'criminal genius'"

b1-66er: I call her, "diabetic thieving bitch."

24.6.20

In-N-___

b1-66er: https://www.cnn.com/2020/06/23/business/restaurant-menus-shrinking/index.html

The Grumbler: I'll bet In & Out is not changing their menu.

b1: Maybe they'll eliminate their secret menu...
... but not tell anybody. 

14.6.20

Maybe a bigger shoe store?

b1-66er: https://www.scripps.edu/news-and-events/press-room/2020/20200612-choe-farzan-coronavirus-spike-mutation.html

Special K: Smart virus.

b1: I learned that trick in elementary school when a tennis shoe got a pebble that fit EXACTLY in a spot on the sole...
...With a big field, and enough time to walk, you'll find it. 

The power of steam

b1-66er: "As the total global cases approach 7.8 million on Sunday, some European Union nations plan to re-open their internal borders on Monday after the bloc's executive arm urged a relaxation of restrictions."

Special K: There's no second wave. It's just rolling.

b1: It's not the sport surfing the wave...
... it's the act of paving the street. 

13.6.20

The infinite depth of shallow knowledge

D4rw1n: https://youtu.be/65r_1TzJXaQ

b1-67er: Man that thing looks great.

b1-66er: It does. 

D4: Yeah. I thought this would appeal deeply to both of you. It certainly did to me
Of course I suddenly and powerfully need one of these things. Which I guess means I need a laser cutter and a ton of LED supplies

66: Everybody needs a reason. 

D4: Also to relearn what the heck an arccosine is

66: The 21st century is essentially a re-education in civics and science. 
Pity those who never paid attention the first time. 

D4: Good point re re-education 

6.6.20

On the steaming isle

b1-66er: Disappointing news:
"Escape from Gilligan's Island"
isn't nearly as good as you'd hope. 

Punkin' Head: 💩

b1: Exactly. 
You understand. 

P: All too clearly 

(Scary)^-1

b1-66er: "Arcades and playplaces inside Las Vegas hotels open to kids"

Special K: It's a little scary. 

b1: No. 
They become the 
Little Scaries

5.6.20

Vagetarian

b1-66er: "Probiotics with top-performing Lactobacillus strains may improve vaginal health"

Special K: Important. 

Any color you like, as long as it's white

b1-66er: https://www.vox.com/2020/6/5/21279530/ta-nehisi-coates-ezra-klein-show-george-floyd-police-brutality-trump-biden

Special K: What's your take on that article?

b1: I think it's interesting...
And broadly speaking, I'd describe it more "right" than "wrong..."
The thuggery of the police state is absolutely on the mark...
Bullying is the American way. It's the way we display on the world theater...
We just present that way as well to our citizens. 
In my opinion, it's just the large writ small. 
(It could, however, be the opposite.)

K: Similar. Also, I think some of the stronger support that's happening this time is a reaction of frustrated anti-Trump people who want to do something. 
And, I'm not optimistic in the short term. 

b1: Sure. 
The political division is such in this country that things get filtered through a is-it-D-or-R lens and then the decision is made on any particular issue without thinking the issue itself through.

K: Yes. 

4.6.20

A Sea-Monkey by any other name...

b1-66er: 'Gould called Metrarabdotos "the most brilliantly persuasive, and most meticulously documented, example ever presented for predominant (in this case, exclusive) punctuated equilibrium in a full lineage."'
Because that's what *i* call Metrarabdotos too.

Special K: I just wouldn't call it.

3.6.20

Old faithful

b1-66er: https://www.reviewjournal.com/life/health/as-public-restrooms-reopen-how-safe-are-they-from-coronavirus-2044354/

Special K: THIS sentence should earn a Pulitzer: "Many Americans would no doubt risk a face full of corona-poo rather than lower a toilet lid before they flush, because freedom."

b1: No sentence that makes me laugh aloud deserves a Pulitzer. 

Who's a good boy?

b1-66er: <pic>

Former Flyer: The face of 2020

31.5.20

+ Marks the spot

Special K: "Target temporarily closes most Bay Area locations"
(South Bay ones don't seem to be on the closed list.)

b1-66er: Guess it's time to go set one on fire. 

K: Wait, contradictory info. This says just the Oakland one.
Looks like the update is correct. Just Oakland around here.

b1: That's a map of the possible riot hot spots.

K: Yeah. 

Riot Season Playoffs

b1-66er: What was the Biggest Deal that happened last night in the Bay Area?

Special K: I don't know what happened here. Riots in SF, maybe. 

b1: That surprises me. 

K: The riots, or that I don't know?

b1: That you don't automatically know. 

K: I know it wasn't sports. 

b1: Solid. 

Fix the crack, then fix the pipe

Special K: "I bet Canada feels like they live in the apartment above a meth lab right about now."

b1-66er: They always feel that way. 

27.5.20

Logarithmically speaking

Special K: "According to the CDC, so far this year, Florida has had 1,762 deaths from #COVID and 5,185 from pneumonia.
Average pneumonia deaths in Florida from 2013-2018 for the same time period are 918."

b1-66er: It'll take FOREVER at that rate. 

K: And a day.

25.5.20

Life in quarantine...

b1-66er: ...if you're a GummiBär or Friend

24.5.20

High marks from the little boy from America!

b1-66er: Rate your entire COVID experience (1-10 best).

Special K: 9.5. No symptoms so far, family ok, got job, food, and shelter, -0.5 for anxiety. 

Hot water - Cold truth

b1-66er: "California Will Get So Hot That Mountain Streams Could Kill"

Special K: That's OK. We'll shoot 'em.

22.5.20

Paws

b1-66er: One of the Former Flyer's dogs has decided that right now would be the perfect time to die of cancer.

The 'Grid: No. 
No time is the right time, but now really isn't the right time.

21.5.20

The freedom to self-imprision

b1-66er: "'Disney Parks faces backlash for requiring guests to wear masks: 'Masks should be optional'"

Special K: Covidiots. 
(Not my coinage).
Masks are optional. 
You also have the option to stay at home and not wear one.

19.5.20

Ah, ah, ah!

b1-66er: "NASA scientists detect evidence of parallel universe where time runs backward"

Special K: The jokes write themselves.

b1: .raH

14.5.20

Better mark this as "0"

Special K: I love the KTXT.
The next time I'm in Krappalappastan, I'll read it 300 times.

Pick your poisons

b1-66er: "Now's the time to book cheap Las Vegas travel, experts say"

Special K: I bet experts are correct.

b1: There's definitely not consensus. 
There's no question I'm an expert on LV travel and I say "no way..."
No opening date set for the casinos. 
No opening date set for red rock. 
No scheduled concerts or shows of any type. 

K: Oh, I just meant it's cheap. I'm sure there's little to do.

b1: swell. 
Might as well book the Congo and Chernobyl while you're at it. 

K: Exactly. 

b1: Shrewd.