Wisdom (and sometimes the cereal guy): 2011

K: is clipping your nails in a shared office gross and rude, or acceptable? *** b1: no, it's bad. in the same way that blowing your nose on the floor is bad.

31.5.11

stroke my illusion, watch it grow

"Envy is an illusion. Every choice has a cost. People are envious when
they fail to fully understand their own choices."
-- CJ

bulgarian chess

CB: the Comrade is to marriage as deception is to love

29.5.11

i break out, in a gold sweat

solid G:

You are always welcome to stay at tulsa gold steam room.

Obviously voice recognition software doesn't work well in the morning. That was supposed to read casa goldstein.

sock it to me

special K: in 5 min. I have to go do puppet improve with Small Person K.

21.5.11

things to do in denver when you're alive

K: are you in DEN?

b1: yes. the city not the airport.

K: I really strongly dislike some things about Denver, while liking
other things.

b1: like what?

K: the thing I hate most about Denver is that I can't live there and
here at the same time.

b1: I KNEW IT. you talk about denver the same way my ex-girlfriends
talk about their ex-boyfriends.

20.5.11

... not in his weight class ...

solid goldstein: Your special k moment...Macho Man Randy Savage was Jewish

... and ribs are an entire animal

solid G: I've never been to atlanta. "The city too busy to hate" *** b1: all you need to know is they consider mac & cheese to be a vegetable.

check out the meat hook while my DJ revolves it

b1: vanilla ice on in the BBQ joint i'm in in atlanta. sounds completely and totally right for here.

19.5.11

there is no trivia anymore -- don't take my word for it, just google it

SG: Discussion on a podcast about how the internet has removed the value of trivia knowledge because everyone can access it now. b1: it's true. and a problem.

18.5.11

and neither HAVE to be shaved

pickles: 20 cents a meatball. if only men were that cheap easy and delicious. *** b1: they're cheaper than that. but the heartburn's worse.

17.5.11

exactly the same mental volume

b1: now here's a dilemma ... which would i rather watch ... reality show, "600 pound mom," or my favorite TV show "family guy."

15.5.11

just don't be tardy

K: My goal is to die as young as possible, as late as possible.

set the 19 minute timer

K: What? *** b1: you can't wait 20 minutes to say that and expect me to hold context.

but they DO have patios that are the same

i'm in melbourne, FL. they speak some kind of a patios here that i've never heard before.

14.5.11

it's raining syrup, hallelujah!

b1: i'm the only person at a waffle house at 24:00. it's the calm before the storm. i feel like i'm in a hopper painting.

is it because you don't have to pull your pants up as far?

b1: i have no idea why i always feel so comfortable in the south.

remain seated, with your lid on

the plane i'm on is escorting military remains.

13.5.11

just watch the cords

b1: how're things?

mad hatter: All good...u?

b1: good. in CO now. space shuttle launch this weekend. world series
coming up.

mh: Rockstar life.

b1: no, more like a roadie. *you* live the rockstar life.

mh: U r on stage my friend
ROCKSTAR

if there's only one evil, then it must be ...

K: I'm super nice et al. It must be you.

10.5.11

danger! no, the other danger.

birdhead: Deja vu: Joe Britt, Matt Hershenson on stage at GoogleIO demoing cell phone stuff

b1: someone should yell, "is this going to die in 10 years?"

8.5.11

is it too late for a rebate?

mom: "when everything was said and done, your brother's total birth bills were $12 ... best $12 i ever spent ... <pause> ... well ... HAHAHAAHAHA."

6.5.11

and they all stopped BREATHING

b1-66er: they're playing my request on SONIC FM. the sweet "ballroom
blitz."

solid goldstein: "Are you ready Steve? Andy? Mick?...."

special K: It's! Its! The ballroom blitz!

b1-67er: that's awesome.

2.5.11

worse than lame

b1: it *really* bothers me when people are jubilant over the death of a person.

K: It's not a good look.

29.4.11

right market, wrong ability

pickles: There is a book called 'the lazy person's guide to fitness" on the discard cart . I was too lazy to even read it.

24.4.11

why they're not called "hebrew fries"

from special K:
Chick-fil-A plays Christian music in its restaurants...exclusively.
Chick-fil-A closes all its locations on Sunday...no exceptions.
Chick-fil-A's stated corporate purpose is:
1) To glorify God by being a faithful steward of all that is entrusted
to us; and
2) To have a positive influence on all who come in contact with
Chick-fil-A.

23.4.11

jew and far between

special K: for passover I'm going to have a Mountain Jew

b1-66er: I CAN'T BELIEVE I LAUGHED AT THAT JOKE. i hate you.

22.4.11

keep your fur on

solid G: Paul williams is still alive. He's the president of ASCAP *** b1-66er: of course he is. and he still looks like a orangutan.

19.4.11

rock is dead, long live auto-tune

solid G:
Rock is dead update...

No rock records in top 25 in 2010.

***

b1-67er:
Well yeah, it's 55 years old now, more or less the same category as
polka. Was there any Polka in the top 25?

13.4.11

F.U.!

b1: i can see you've been looking at superbSONIC. 10 pages in the last
3 day.
***
K: How are you identifying me?
***
b1: using google fu.
***
K: You won't tell me?
***
b1: i already told you. i used google fu.
did i use kung fu? no.
did i use google fu? yes.
what did i use? google fu.
what did i say? google fu!
GIMME A GOOGLE! GOOGLE!
GIMME A FU! FU!
GIMME GOOGLE FU! GOOGLE FU!
***
K: i'm cancelling your free blogs.
***
b1: and i'm cancelling your special presentation at the WWDC.
***
K: I really wanted to say I was canceling your blogs because I knew
you'd have a great response.
***
b1: did i make it?
***
K: Oh yes. Sorry, I forgot to say that.
***
b1: good.
do you use google analytics (GA)?
***
K: Yes, occasionally.
***
b1: i had 1 big hit in campbell. 10 pages in 21 minutes. has to be
you. accuse. make fu jokes. move forward. the end.
***
K: Perfect.

2.4.11

translation: lame to the lame power

K: wwdc tix are going for $3K+ on ebay.
*** b1: that's just (lame)^(lame).

1.4.11

massive greatness

K: I'm 4 weeks into my new eating.

b1: whoa. 5% of the total. is that a "significant" amount of time for
you?

K: No. But I have lost 14.6 lbs.

b1: so does that mean that i need to love you proportionally less? or
that the love just gets condensed in you? or that some of my love just
goes away with your weight?

K: It means I am a leaner and more perfect reflection of the universe.

b1: at least you're not egocentric.

i break out!

b1: i'm working out in a stump III T-shirt today.

king feddy: i bet you look good.

b1: so good.
people come up to me and say, "dude! are you that really funny guy from
'stump?'"
and i say, "no. i'm the *other* guy."

the darkness of winter

b1: i'm seeing edgar winter tomorrow.

K: Wear dark clothes.

b1: racist.

K: The K is for kruel.

b1: no, the K is for "drool."

24.3.11

and they still suck

the original members of KISS are in episode 16 of family guy volume 2 "a very special family guy freakin' christmas" in the video "KISS saves santa."

23.3.11

chicken n' vanilla

b1: denny's has a bacon maple sundae. if i was still living in the bay, i'd force you to go with my BOGO coupon.

14.3.11

ditchin' the magician

b1-66er: gimme a 1 TXT review of popiel's "fishin' magician"

b1-67er: Fishin Magician,
The Casting is Bitchin'
But - fear there's no tension,
So the trout just keep swimmin'

11.3.11

so THAT'S where those keurig cups come from

special K: Momma K went to Starbucks and they gave her free treats for their birthday.

10.3.11

what about a great restaurant that tries stripping?

special K - Rule of thumb: a strip club that serves food is not a good strip club.

9.3.11

jobs wanted

from cap'n happy: The ultimate Jobs' hype announcement would be for him
to fake his own death!

He becomes Elvis or Paul McCartney.

Then at the height of the hype - he emerges with a new iPad 3

4.3.11

a new (gold) record!

i swear this is true: flava flav just won $50 for me on the craps table.

28.2.11

feel the blandness

K: Godzilla TV show can be streamed at crackle.com.

18.2.11

special K, you mysterian

K: Your superior psychic shield will deflect his every suction probe. *** b1: there was a line almost EXACTLY like that in the godzilla movie i just saw.

... AND weight

K: don't use ktxt to post your witty one-liners absent of context. it's beneath you.
*** b1: no, it's *exactly* my height.

if only it were un-readable

b1: you hate ktxt because it brings the true K into raw relief relative to the rest of the world. pure truth extract. unpalatable, untenable, unmanagable.

16.2.11

the seven kaiju

b1: i'm watching a netflix stream of "godzilla raids again," the true sequel to the original godzilla. spectacular ... a TON of the main kurosawa actors.

if furniture could talk

K: Hgggggg6

b1: what the hell are you on about?

K: Ooooooooo o o o ooo o o o o Oo P
<several hours later>
Sorry, my iPhone fell between the cushions of my sofa.

14.2.11

forking great

from the birdhead: The Squealer Spoonbender: chocolate custard, choc chips, and bacon. Topped with whipped cream and more bacon.

11.2.11

he said, "i think i remember the film, but as i recall, i think, i'm a namedropper"

K: Breakfast at Tiffany's. Is it good? *** b1: it's supposed to be, but i've never seen it ... i've only read the short ... and talked to truman about it.

still dim K

K: I guess this is where you give up arguing. *** b1: you just gained a watt.

oh, lighten up

b1 to K: as near as i can tell, your expertise is in being a dim bulb ... so when it comes to low-wattage, i believe anything you say.

take my remaining 50 minutes, please

solid G: I'm listening to the joke hour *** b1: written by whom, henny youngman? (and it's not really an hour, it's 10 minutes...it just *seems* that long.)

scarf it

solid G: Q - What do men yell at a middle eastern strip club? A - "Show us your face!" *** b1: what the hell has suddenly happened to you?

set the controls for the heart of the dumb

b1: from your cousin. *** solid G: Who are the three Jewish guys who invented air conditioning? Hi, Max and Norm. *** b1: just for the record: not funny.

10.2.11

we're the #1 web site in the world! let's protest!!

K: Protest on Google campus today.

b1: what's the problem? too much free food?

K: A Hispanic group is protesting that we don't report hiring stats by
ethnicity. They're chanting si se puede and aqui estamos Google.

b1: they'll be shocked when they find out that G is about 40% indian.
how do you say "yes, we can" in outsourcing?

8.2.11

not big enough

b1: i'm seeing fishbone tonight at the hard rock las vegas. *** solid G: I think you could hire fishbone to play your living room at this point.

6.2.11

but she'll show her tits in "caddyshack"

b1: the first time i saw this movie it was called "TRON" ... except the white girl sang better.

5.2.11

where's the losers' trophy?

K: We went to Giants ballpark to see the trophy. They had to close 4
hours early due to crowds (50K people est.)

***

b1: freaks, geeks and the homeless. they're all problems.

***

K: So false. So cynical.

***

b1: oh i forgot that i'm supposed to show reverence to a collective of
people that are doing nothing more than supporting a gigantic industry
based on nothing more than physical location.

***

K: It's ok.

3.2.11

sensitive to low pressure

b1: this TXT message sent to you from -150'. *** K: I can tell.

1.2.11

guess i'm brain dead

SG: Just heard an amazing lost brian wilson track called guess I'm dumb sung by glen campbell. Well worth seeking out on the internet. Beach boys never did it

31.1.11

... you fricken robot

K: Google cinema club is showing the 2010 restoration of Metropolis this Thu. *** b1: you gotta go.

dopey trophy

b1: this from the SJ giants ...

SF Giants World Series Trophy will be @ Municipal Stadium TOMORROW f/4-6p. This is a FREE event to see Giants History! PLUS come & enter to WIN a VIP Package!

30.1.11

the abominated and snowed man

b1: i'm gonna stop by your cousin's for a piece of B-day cake before
going to SONIC. chocolate cake, seedless raspberry filling, whipped
cream frosting. should i bring you a piece?

***

K: No thanks. I believe chocolate + fruit is an abomination.

blanched pacaderms

b1: the oakland white elephant sale is awesomer. (sic)

... but later you'll get landrysselect points ...

K: Claim Jumper has been sold to Landry's. We may have farewell dinner there tomorrow. *** b1: what? take 6 people and buy 1 entree with a "to go" box?

as long as it's not germs

K: Biggy says: La Victoria in downtown SJ grand reopening today. Unspecified free stuff. *** b1: partake.

28.1.11

"smart"

b1: "the world series trophy was in sonoma today! and i stood in line!
and i got a picture with it! and my rubber duckie too!"

***

K: Fans dig the trophy. I'm sad I haven't seen it yet.

***

b1: it's because you're not a true fan.

***

{instantaneous response} K: So "true".

the love of giant megathings in general

b1:
http://m.yahoo.com/w/sports/home/blogs/article?offset=3&urn=urn%3Anewsml%3Asports.yahoo%2Cyhoo%3A20050301%3Ahighschool%2Carticle%2Cyhoo-ept_sports_prep_rally-312968%3A1&.ts=1296142639&.intl=us&.lang=en&ref_w=frontdoors

***

K: Thanks. I love superlong sporting events. I dream of attending a
baseball game that lasts all night and past dawn. I love giant
megathings in general. It's probably the same impulse that makes me like
24HO.

When I was a kid I ripped the covers off all my Richie Rich comics and
taped them together into one giant Richie Rich comic.

But I hate the stall in basketball.

who's to blame?

solid goldstein: When syphilis came to europe, the italians called it
french pox, the french called it italian pox, the english called it
spanish pox, the poles called it german pox and the russians called it
polish pox.

26.1.11

pizza facism

b1: i altered my lunch plans in SF and just sat down to eat here
instead:

Una Pizza Napoletana
210 11th St

***

solid G: Ah yes, the pizza nazi. He moved from new york. I ate at his
place in the east village. Let me know what you think. Perhaps the most
controversial pizzaria in the world...

***

b1: what did you think? did you like it?

***

G: I did. But my companions thought it overpriced. I though it was a
very pure pizza.

***

b1: i thought it was good. expensive, but not outrageously so ...
there's a place in vegas -settebello- that's every bit as good and not
NEARLY as snooty.

monster trivia

b1: okay trivia heads: for 5 points each, 40 for all 6, name the
monsters on the "universal studios monsters" logo.

***
***

solid G: Frankenstein, dracula, wolf man, invisible man, mummy.....who
else?

b1: that's 20 points. the set is frankenstein, wolfman, mummy, bride of
frankenstein, dracula and creature from the black lagoon

G: Invisible man is there. You just can't see him.

***
***

K: Frankenstein, Mummy, Wolfman, Dracula, invisible Man ... Bride?

b1: 25 points. it's mummy not invisible man.

K: I was picturing an old comic book ad for Universal Monsters model
kits. That was the first time I was ever aware of any movie company.

I must have pictured Mummy when I said Invisible Man.

***
***

b1-67er: I'm totally guessing here, I can't even visualize the
logo....king kong, creature from the blue lagoon, wolfman, dracula,
frankenstein, the invisible man?

66er: 20 points.

b1-67er: Oh... the mummy, I knew I was missing a big one. They just put
bride of Frankenstein in there for political correctness. I thought
Godzilla might be in there due to Godzilla 2000.

does it have a scope sight?

b1: your cousin's birthday is saturday. *** K: Oh yes, I see it here on the international Jewish calendar.

25.1.11

how about if i called him "ajax"?

me: i'm looking at the special K challenge.

i'm gonna do it in a week or 2.

and post everything on ktxt.

it's medium-class stupid.

special: agreed

me: it's a good thing i don't call you pennzoil.

special: I'm so thankful for that.

24.1.11

make that, seven guys

K: Have you tried it yet? (five guys) *** b1: yes. i had it on robocoke day. burger, bad. fries, absolutely spectacular. i called the peanut oil frying.

the special K® refusal

K: This was on my phone this morning.

{MMS images have a history of not coming through from my hiptop ... it's
a bubble overlay on his iphone sleep screen that says:

Special K
Prep Your Pantry
Help keep your plan on track by
heading to the store to stock up on
Special K® staples.}

***

b1: what do you have to do? when do you start? how long is it?

***

K: It mostly says "buy and eat special k products". I'm not going to do
it.

2 weeks, I think. It's vague and very girly.

***

b1: we could do it as "24 days of special K challenge." 24SPECK.

***

K: I don't think it's worthy of attention.

***

b1: i'll do it and report back, daily, once i start. i'll probably be
yoga-ing then too.

a rapper for your chicken

solid G: Flavor flav is opening a chain of fried chicken restaurants.

b1: what's it gonna be called, "wickedty-wack-bo-jacks?" and where're
they gonna be? professor griff is gonna be *hating* that one.

G: Flav's fried chicken. And it's opening in clinton iowa

b1: who's gonna open it, hillary?

23.1.11

and he took 77 boats with him...

K: Jack Lalanne died. b1: the master of king. so sad. great life, though.

dick wid

b1: richard widmark is the greatest american film noir actor.

solid G: He's definitely up there. Great sneer.

b1: yeah. and good i-think-i'm-smarter-than-you-but-i'm-actually-not
crazy laugh.

but he has no idea what comes after "9"

K: I'm keeping track of every movie I see this year. 8 so far. *** b1: you're a "genius."

22.1.11

i'll give you a hint: it's icy AND you sink your teeth in it

K: Sharks win 4-2. Free pizza. *** b1: now THAT is a victory.

tell it to consuelo

b1: 1st slap of the film noir festival on film #4! robert young gets tagged by his mistress. *** K: Oh Dr. Welby!

get knasty

b1: you gotta love the anti-SF vibe of the film noir castro where, at
the end of "gas light," the woman behind us whispers "kill him."

K: Loved that. Just call it radical feminism.

21.1.11

1 guy short of a cheap six-pack

b1: "5 guys" is kind of a yelly-screamy place ... and they're playing
bruce springsteen ... nothing to like here yet.

***

K: I like the burgers but they get soggy with toppings. I don't like the
vibe.

where's freddy the furby?

solid G: Some of the best names of the mobsters in the big bust this week: bobby glasses, vinny carwash, jack the whack and junior lollipops...

20.1.11

sounds like my first joint

pirrissimo: Hey guys, I'm on csi tonight (CBS at 9, or online at CBS.com). It's a very small role but it's kind of a pivotal one. I may or may not be the killer......

19.1.11

complete with puke flavored barf bag

solid goldstein at the fancy food show: Haggis flavored potato chips!

he doesn't like killing as much as he used to, either

K: Apple announced 14.7M iPads sold. And I don't even like the damn thing very much any more.

robocoke

K: I have a list of the 106 flavors available at Coke Freestyle. And I'm
feeling like I need to. try. them. ALL.

Sprite Zero with Peach

Fanta Zero Grape

Dasani Sensations - Strawberry

Caffeine-Free Diet Raspberry Coke

why "Diet Vanilla Coke" but "Orange Diet Coke"?

18.1.11

goodnight sheep biz

b1: don kirschner died. K: Farewell, musical Jew of the late-night airwaves.

the future of pop machines

from special K: have you seen this? http://www.coca-colafreestyle.com/index.jsp they have them around here now.

17.1.11

that's not where the hurt is

b1: i'm watching "caddyshack 2." it's beyond terrible. *** K: I feel bad for your brain.

16.1.11

and none of them will take you to saratoga, WY

K: there are 33,000+ Subway locations.

nine inch nails ... and one statue

K: Trent Reznor just won a Golden Globe for scoring David Fincher's Facebook movie.
*** b1: i wonder how that's working for him.

the women don't know what the little girls understand

i just saw a 6 year girl explain the features of her iphone 4 to a 60 year old waitress ... including an answer to the question, "what is wi-fi?"

you're so coors

K: http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/Text-Replies-23714.html
*** b1: i'm crying pure rocky mountain spring water.

15.1.11

the resting place of evil K

special K is going to be joining me for part of the film noir festival
in SF at the end of the month ... these are priming TXTs from him.

***

5 places for finding the stuff of film noir
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2011/01/14/TRDO1H63RU.DTL#ixzz1BBKzI0wu

I watched a noir film last night: Consenting Adults (Kevin Kline, Kevin
Spacey)

talk to the flying monkey

b1: i'm on deck for the "yellow brick road" slot tourney at the 4
queens.

***

K: Good luck. I didn't know you did slots.

***

b1: it's free. invitation only. prize money. mathematically it has
perfect theoretical expectation.

i've finally decided my future lies beyond the yellow brick road.

***

K: Aaaaaah aaaaah aah. Aaaah aah aah ah aah. Aaaaaah aaaaah aah. Ah
ahhhh!

***

b1: TXTman crothers, you *are* the wizard of ahs.

what if you were a red giant?

solid G: If I was a black dwarf with a mohawk in vegas I'd be drunk too.

your chance to dunk the other special K

special K,

i don't know who's doing the globetrotters PR these days, but they're
completely out of control ... as you know, i never watch TV, and yet
i've seen them on the tube no less than a zillionty times in the last
month.

if i was in the bay area, we'd go to this (and i'd make you pay).

{mumbling end of "sweet georgia brown" goes here.}

***

Oracle Arena

BOX OFFICE BLAST

HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS MAGIC PASS TICKETS NOW AVAILABLE!

It's easy to add magic to your Globetrotters experience on Sunday,
January 16th at 2:00pm at oracle Arena!

You've got your tickets, now add an experience that will create Magical
Memories to last a lifetime!

Passes are just $15 per person (Additional convenience fees may apply)

The half-hour Magic Pass experience is full of basketball fun and
excitement that only the world famous Harlem Globetrotters can deliver.
You'll experience special tricks, magical fun and have a chance to be
part of the action with your favorite Globetrotter players. And to top
it all off, your Magic Pass gives you exclusive access to get autographs
when you meet Harlem Globetrotter players and their world famous mascot,
Globie, in person.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Magic Pass entry begins 2 hours prior to show time.

Magic Pass begins 90 minutes before show time and lasts for 30 minutes.

You will need to purchase one Magic Pass per person.

All customers must have a show ticket AND Magic Pass for entry.

Space is extremely limited and will fill up quickly.

No refunds or exchanges.

Website link to purchase tickets:
http://smr.mm.ticketmaster.com:80/track?type=click&enid=bWFpbGluZ2lkPTkyMTE0NCZtZXNzYWdlaWQ9OTkwOTY0JmRhdGFiYXNlaWQ9REFUQUJBU0VJRCZzZXJpYWw9MTIzMjAyODUwNyZlbWFpbGlkPWtpY2tib3lmYWNlQHlhaG9vLmNvbSZ1c2VyaWQ9NDMyNTc0NzQ3JmV4dHJhPSYmJmh0dHA6Ly93d3cudGlja2V0bWFzdGVyLmNvbS9ldmVudC8xQzAwNDU0RkFGRUU1RjhBP2FydGlzdGlkPTE1MDcwMzEmbWFqb3JjYXRpZD0xMDAwNSZtaW5vcmNhdGlkPTIzOSZicmFuZD1nbG9iZXRyb3R0ZXJz

Additional service charges will apply. Ticket packages can only be
purchased online using the
website link provided above. Offer good while supplies last. Offer not
good on alternate game dates/times. Persons 24 months in age and older
require a paid admission ticket.

considering the competition

b1: http://www.ktxt.org/

the point of exclamation

b1: there's a black dwarf with a mohawk eating a "beat the clock"
breakfast along with at dupar's ($4 since it's 04:00).

***

K: Be careful not to get sucked into his gravitational pull.

***

b1: good po-i--n----t---------.

saturday morning fever

K: Tony Manero and his buddies live in Bay Ridge -- not the finest part
of Brooklyn. According to my limited knowledge of Brooklyn.

***

b1: they weren't exactly what you call "the finest part of brooklyn"
crowd.

i've only seen SNF once. it was at a 70's party i threw in 1985 ...

... at that party, bo3b and another guy both came in the same leisure
suit ... they didn't know each other.

***

K: I saw it about 300 times when I was an usher at the Colorado 4
Theaters. We used to synchronized-sweep the lobby while singing Night
Fever. Hand claps and everything.

***

b1: that is *SO* *COOL.*

that makes you cooler than me FOREVER.

(which is nearly impossible to believe.)

***

K: I won't let it go to my head.

***

b1: there's a lot of room up there.

***

K: gravity will help.

lighten up, francis

K: Francis Bay played the old lady Mrs. Tremond in Twin Peaks. She was
73 at the time. I just watched her in the movie "Edmond". She was 88.
Now she's 93, still alive (as far as I know).

but it's the ass that's famous

K: Saturday Night Fever opens with a tracking shot of the Verazzano Narrows Bridge and the World Trade Center.
*** b1: spooky.

14.1.11

i say cover her grave with astroturf

K: Momma K went to Denver today to help her mom, who has bronchitis ... Apparently that has nothing to do with the Broncos.

a strange seating

b1: i just realized that SONIC is headquartered on "johnny bench drive"
in OK city.

***

K: Amazing player. Victim of one of my favorite bizarre baseball plays.
http://goo.gl/1F6Fo , item #3

13.1.11

SONIC solitude

b1: have you seen the new SONIC 'blog yet?
***
K: I only skimmed so far. I was impressed at the detail. I'll read in
full later (after work deadline).
***
b1: i need you to mention it on foodisworse. for G purposes, make sure
to use the word SONIC in the title and in the link.
***
K: It will be my next post.
***
b1: good boy. when i searched on SONIC this AM, i saw a new G thing,
where down my search page it said something like "friends in your social
network have this to say about SONIC."

it's weird, because we definitely talk through email and IM. and we're
probably connected on orkut, although i haven't been on there in years.
but i'm not on FB and we're not connected through G space, or whatever
the hell they call(ed) it.
***
K: Yeah, I hate that. Because I'm not very social.
***
b1: it seems to me like you talk to and like everyone.
***
K: Right. But mostly I hate and fear people.
***
b1: whoa. another thing i didn't know about special K ... moving me to
the next level. in 2 more levels, i will *be* special K.
***
K: Put another way, I'm mostly happier with solitude than with anybody.
***
b1: but how can you say that when you have this huge ego-publicity
monster inside you?
***
K: Maybe because it's impersonal and not intimate. Maybe that's more ok
with me.

inception complex

K: Inception?
***
b1: i've never seen it. i've heard it's good.
***
K: I have it. We can watch when you're in town if you like. Won't take
24 hours.
***
b1: i don't think i've ever sat next to you on a couch for that short of
a period of time. maybe i could view it as seconds, then it'd be
24SOI.
***
K: I'll act like an idiot. That will make it seem longer.
***
b1: there's type casting.

you should see our realities

solid G: I had a dream I was on another cruise. This time it was on san
francisco bay. Royal Caribbean. They had an infinity pool at the bow,
(real sea water so it was cold), a replica of a 1950s Paul Bunyan-esque
campsite from Minnesota, complete with dusty flea-ridden furniture (no
one seemed to be staying in those cabins), a kind of hippie
entertainment village with stores that sold crystals and tie dye (Laurie
Anderson was working the counter at the one store I wandered into), and
they had the first Days Inn at sea on this boat, which I guess was
supposed to be a good thing. This is what happens when you catalog check
too many cruise ship brochures.

***

K: That is impressive.

A few nights ago I dreamed I was turning around in a handicapped parking
space. A woman yelled at me.

That's the only dream I remember for several months.

***

b1: i had a dream that i'd had a super-realistic dream where i pulled
uncooked whole wheat spaghetti out of my ear. i went to show the
spaghetti to bo3b and zz, but when i did, there wasn't as much as i had
dreamed ... that confused me very much.

they were unimpressed by how little spaghetti i had and made jokes about
it.

12.1.11

i'm also, apparently, the most gullible person he's ever known

K: you're the least selfish non-caregiver I've ever known
*** b1: that's both funny and wrong. you need to get out more.

beyond the palin

b1:
http://thecaucus.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/01/12/palin-calls-criticism-blood-libel/

***

K: 1. She's an idiot for using that phrase.

2. If her crosshairs map was meaningless, why did she (a) take it down
on Saturday and (b) laughably claim on Monday that they weren't
crosshairs but "surveyor's marks"?

***

b1: i don't know. i don't follow her at all and i can't understand why
anyone else does either. being obsessed with the obnoxious kid in the
lunchroom isn't what makes him go away.

***

K: Those obsessed with her don't want her to go away.

***

b1: the phrase "blood libel" didn't mean anything to me before i read
that article. just like i didn't know what "jaimie town" was before
jesse jackson used it.

she's the best possible news for the left because she's an
easy-simplistic target that could never win a presidency.

***

K: Yes. Probably.

***

b1: republican minorities (including women) are a problem for democrats
because they raise cognitive dissonance with a party they perceive to be
inherently prejudiced.

***

K: Don't overestimate Americans' intelligence.

***

b1: i've never bought into the concept that americans are collectively
dumb.

no one ever lost a battle by assuming their enemy was *smarter* than
they actually were.

10.1.11

oh my god, they killed special K! those bastards!

i had so much fun with clay that i decided to make us as south park characters. i couldn't resist putting you in the state that you hate.

9.1.11

time for 46 hour fitness

K: I've been in a great mood for 45 hours. I'm probably about to have a heart attack.

i keep knockin', but ...

me: did you see yourself in clay?
***

1:17 PM special: I did. Is it accurate, would you say?
***

me: as accurate as lego brick construction methods allow ...

too much hair ...

wrong beard ...

etc.

1:18 PM i used that pic of you and momma K behind the iron curtain to do it as i went.
***

special: well done.
***

me: i think the eyes are very good.

1:19 PM you have that friendly-yet-completely-vacant look.
***

special: that's me to a t
***

me: i dreamt of you and the clay figure last nightyou told me it didn't look like you.

and you were super-skinny K.

and i thought, "man, i guess i haven't actually seen him in a long time."
but you didn't look gaunt like you did when you were actual reality super-skinny K.

***

special: that sounds nice
***

me: yeah.

you were happy.

but a little on the mean side.
***
special: because my drug was taken away
***

me: you can tell i directed that film.

8.1.11

soft and jewy

b1: so here at CES, what do all the jews who shut down their stands do
on the sabbath?

K: Pray.

b1: and then what do they do for the other 16 waking hours?

K: Pray all day. 4 separate services. In between, eat, study, visit.

b1: have you ever been that hardcore?

K: No way. That stuff is basically superstition as far as I'm
concerned.

b1: whoa. i just moved to a whole new level of understanding about the K. and it's spooky.

K: We should talk about this more then. I'm not into the supernatural aspects of mainstream religion.

b1: whoa. are you saying that just because it's elvis's birthday?

K: Wella wella.

FINALLY i "get" the iphone

7.1.11

no mas, las vegas

greetings from "lucha las vegas." the first *ever* lucha libre exposition in S NV. [http://luchalasvegas.com]

playing like a bunch of ghouls

K: Casper has a minor league baseball team called the Ghosts.

The Rockies just bought them and might move them to Windsor.

***

b1: what're they going to call them? the "windsor haunted castles"?

if only i could get clayed

b1: me as a hotels.com ad character:

(http://clayyourself.com/portraits/portrait_1294440391468.jpg)

***

K: Oh Jesus.

***

b1: that's the good "jesus." i can feel it.

and now my take on you:

http://clayyourself.com/portraits/portrait_1294453730765.jpg

a zombie BM

solid G:
http://marquee.blogs.cnn.com/2011/01/06/bill-murray-crashes-karaoke-party/
***
K: Thanks. I like Bill Murray. Wasnt he great in Zombieland? How did you
like the movie overall?
***
b1: i hate zombies. i don't like zombie movies.
i'd rate it 7 out of 10. "the best i've seen."
***
K: And the Murray schtick?
***
b1: he was the best part of the movie.
the second he walked through the
other door, i knew they were going to blow him away.
the best part of the whole flick was his post-credit caddyshack
reference.
***
K: Agree, agree, agree.
http://goo.gl/Jfcl5

6.1.11

break it down!

b1: just passed a pinstriped mustang with a NY logo on the back. the
license plate? 2YANKEE

***

K: 2YANKEE 2QUIT

***

b1: 2LGT2QT

(with a "hammer time" license plate bracket)

***

K: I like it.

it was just before the dragons ...

K: A lot of weird shit is happening today. Things on my desk have been
moved around. A guy in the bathroom dried his hands on his pants. 2
Chinese guys were speaking Chinese and crossing themselves and
laughing.

***

b1: keep your eyes open. rifts in the space/time continuum are never
pretty.

5.1.11

black and white

K: They're de-niggering Huck Finn.
b1: i saw that. it'd be better if they just banned it. we should re-release an NWA album as SWA.
K: It's like de-pussyflashing Basic Instinct.

4.1.11

a sign that SHOULD say "move over"

1 from the grumbler: Driving back from Tahoe, passed a truck that said "Special K Trucking" on its side.

how would you like your grobule prepared?

K: The grobule fries at dawn.

b1: why is it that i think i'm going to start worrying about you? and why is it that i think i'm starting 10 years too late?

K: Because you are smart. And yesterday we decided I'm going to die first.

b1: i wish we'd decided that you'd sign all your bank accounts over to me today instead.

now all we need is a scary stupid mask

K: New idea for a business: B & K Review The Hell Out Of Something.

Description: we watch EVERYTHING in a DVD set and say what we think.

***

b1: love it. we could get free swag already.

***

K: I failed to say that.

Swag: yes. Maybe even make some $$& via Amazon links or ads.

***

b1: or maybe even a ponzi scheme.

i forgot, why am *i* included in this?

***

K: Included in what? You asked about the Dr. and the review thing is us.
And I failed to say I was special.

***

b1: you're incoherent now. go back and have them remove that stent.

***

K: Don't stint on my stent.

you and your pleasure button

b1: the ktxt counter is above 1K now. ignoring your continual refreshes, that means we probably have 5 or 6 readers.

"light in your head and what?" anybody? anybody? gerry?

solid goldstein: Gerry rafferty died
b1: weird.
G: My brother said he was a drunk
b1: he'll get it right the next time.
G: Or right down the line...my brother recalls hearing his song
incessantly in 1978. We are old.
b1: i liked him. although i didn't realize "baker street" was a cover
until just a few years ago. makes me a lamer ... not a hall of famer.
G: who did the original?
b1: i don't know. the wiki article is imcomplete.
G: Rafferty wrote baker street.
b1: looks like i need more self-confidence.
G: Not your short suit...
b1: oh thanks, mr. tailor. while you're at it, could you let out the hem on my groin? thanks.
G: Your confidence is a good thing. Being smarter than 99 percent of the world can be a burden, though.
b1: being smart isn't a burden, but memory is. thank god mine's selective.
G: As far as I can recall, mine is getting worse all the time. Except for horrible songs of the 70s. I recall every note.
b1: as you're dying your final words will be "more ... more ... more ..." how do you like it?
G: Now that one, I like. That song sounds ever better every year. It's got four distinct parts and some killer hooks. I'd put that one song against metallica's whole output.
b1: you and me both, pal.

an armyman of 1

K: Let's try our best not to die.
***
b1: i don't try my "best" ... with no family it's not clear what my
reason is for "hanging on."
***
K: You will die. If I'm alive I will miss you.
***
b1: okay, that makes it easy. you go 1st.
i get your twilight zone collection.
***
K: HAHAHAHAHAHAAHA.
It's yours.
***
b1: okay. tell momma and biggy. i don't want any bloodshed at the
wake.
and you KNOW bigg knasty would fight for it.
***
K: He's not into SF.
Funeral. No wake.
***
b1: that makes it easy. tell 'em to leave the house keys out.
***
K: I'll add it to my will.
***
b1: swell.
and don't misspell my last name. you're exactly the type that's capable
of that.
***
K: Not me. 5th place, 1974 Colorado-Wyoming Spelling Bee.
***
b1: huge.
and to think, number 6 still shudders to hear your name ...
... only because she can't remember it doesn't start with a silent K.
***
K: DAMN RIGHT.
Word I missed: frontispiece.
***
b1: ouch. what'd you miss
US
or
PEACE.
... or did you wet your pants from the pressure and get an honorable
discharge from the podium?
***
K: fronticepiece. Which I still think isn't a bad try. Because I didn't
know Latin yet.
***
b1: better than me to be sure ...
although you STILL don't know latin.
(this'll surprise you, but drinking an orange julius doesn't count.)
***
K: Now I'm craving an Orange Julius (named for the great Julius Freed,
one of my people).
***
b1: which 1 of "your" people would that be? the one with a flame
thrower and a mold marking on its base?
***
K: Comedian?
***
b1: that's an army man joke. the ktxt readers will get it, even if you
don't.
you must be sleepy.
***
K: My dad didn't let me play with "dolls".
***
b1: oh, you guys and your worshipping "idols."
***
K: Jew bet.
Goodnight.
***
b1: and it also doesn't fully explain that first sexual experience you
were telling me about a few days ago.
nor the fact that you break your wrist as you talk.
don't go hyper apneaetic in your sleep, pal. you haven't changed that
will yet.

3.1.11

what about a day without a boom?

b1: a day without sonic is like a day without a lemon berry slush at half-off from 14:00 - 17:00.

2.1.11

the crystalline beauty of baseball writing

K:
http://deadspin.com/5530141/excerpt-from-are-we-winning-a-prayer-for-steve-bartman
***
b1: what a brilliantly flourished piece of writing. go back and read
just the last sentence of every paragraph.
if this were a bicycle it'd be hemingway's banana seat schwinn with a
small bell attached.
***
K: It touched me. Appropriately. And I'm glad you liked it.

don't worry, he's briefly okay.

K: The Atomic Man. "A man is fished out of a river and taken to a hospital where he briefly dies."

1.1.11

another word for over-hyped and boring

K: I've forgotten the names of the Star Wars prequels. Does that mean
I'm not a nerd, I'm old, or that I'm maturing as a human being?

***

b1: no. it means they're bad.

Now there's a quote of the moment for you.

starting the year in the zone

K: happy new year to you. I hope 2011 is a good one
I started by buying the Gold Box deal of Complete Twilight Zone. 28 DVDs for $93, or $200 off list.

the greatest TXT ever sent

{from alex C}

☆。★。☆。★
。☆ 。☆。☆
★。＼｜／。★
Happy New Year!
★。／｜＼。★
。☆。。☆。
☆。 ★。 ☆